Existing is not living
by stephlouise
Summary: "Both on the road of destruction, the road is harsh you know? Well who will help them, surely not you, surely not I, because if I do will they ever realise their fate, will they ever know how their souls yearn for each other"


**Disclaimer: I don't own the vampire diaries owned by the CW and L.**

"**Both on the road of destruction, the road is harsh you know? Well who will help them, surely not you, surely not I, because if I do will they ever realise their fate, will they ever know how their souls yearn for each other, He chooses to forget, yet he is waiting and hanging on to the last shiver of humanity like a life line, but hey she can't say anything against it, It's nature, we fall and we pick ourselves back up again, we die metaphorically and we die in reality, we are each other's existential dilemma."**

**Elena POV**

I watched the cold climbing around the window and felt the harsh breeze sweep over my skin, it's claws raking over me and tearing away piece by piece, closing the window for hopefully the last time tonight I focused on going back to normal and living as I wanted. How I really wanted to live, I wrapped the curtains over the freeze bitten window and shuddered as the last gust of cold air hit me. My head pounded as I collapsed to the floor and let the pain engulf me in its flames. Everything, Stefan, Bonnie, Elijah, Rose, Klaus, and Katherine they all created a piece of me and fed the flames that slowly poisoned my soul; I needed a break, an antidote to release me from the fiery toxins.

I needed normal, I needed Humanity, I needed pure and undiminished love from someone who could not only understand my pain, but who would live with me through it and pull the leftover shreds of my soul out of the ashes, and I needed someone to save me.

Elena sat on the floor of her room, tears rolling down her face which was buried deeply into her knees hugged into her chest, she knew that she needed answers and that there were only a small handful of people that could really help her but Stefan couldn't tell her his past it was too painful to him, Katherine knew but would not tell until there was a personal gain, and Isobel with information on Klaus was long gone, her "father" wanted everyone she cared for dead yet he was back in town and Damon, well he was in need of help, he needed a rock, a steady statue and she didn't know if she was ready to help, she didn't know how she could help his emotions where her own were slipping out of control in every possible moment, she didn't know what it would mean for her to be there for him and for him to be there for her, they both were on paths of destruction, both wanted to give up, yet both needed a pain reliever.

**Damon POV**

I can't feel. I can't do anything, I can't be what she wants me to be, I can't live how she wants me to live, I'm not Human, and I miss it, I miss it more than anything in the world that is my secret, and I never told anybody, there's only so much hurt a man can take, It poisons me, my soul burns slowly, the guilt, the pain, my existence, the loss, the caring, the love for her, she will Never love me back. Never and I know and she knows and everybody else around us. They all know about me and her, us.

Stefan, well he knows, deep down he knows I was never suited to this life, this choice, he knows I wanted to die, he wouldn't let me die, and do I embrace it? Do I loose myself and go back to how i used to be, I will never be Human and I want to die, be the same as Rose, happy in death, embrace it, welcome it even, but there's a little thing holding me back, urging me to try one more time, urging me to never give us, she is pulling me back ever so slowly bit by bit, Elena I can almost feel her arms wrap around me one last time, it felt like a welcome but like a goodbye at the same time, she can't give up on me yet she won't believe in me too much, she always does then I ruin it. I always ruin it, because I'm trouble, that's all I got is trouble, everything I care about. It dies.

**Set in season 2 after episode 12 ... 3 it was so sad at the end, with Damon wishing he was human, i know he's fictional but it was so heartbreaking... please review 3**


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